routine...

i hate routines...i hate doing the same thing, at d same time of day, more than 2 to 3 times...yet, when u r studying, dat is exactly wat u do...u wake up, study...eat, study...sleep, study...walk, study...work-out,study!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am bored of this all!!

give me a job! i wanna work...!!

i wanna meet people!

i wanna pull my colleagues' legs...i wanna make stupid comments on wat my friends say...i wanna make dat client pay more...i wanna finish work faster...more efficiently...i wanna interact wit clients..i wanna work in a place where i am allowed to decide my own deadlines...and where i get some..SOME discipline into my life...cuz right now, all it is, is a mess of deadlines...expectations.. dreams... hopes... aspirations...blah..blah..bleh!

i hate having to give up on opportunities to study further...i hate being stuck doin dis stupid course for wat seems to be my whole life....!!!!!

jus wanna get over wit it now....will work towards it...wil study for the sake of studying...and not for any other objective...not for getting my parents off my back...not for starting earning [which i already am, if my dad and his books of investments in my name are to be believed ;) ]...

have you ever studied for the sake of it?

studied for understanding d topic better....for knowing how some things are done...for viewing the system in a better manner...for getting to know d variables involved in all of the environments in which the subjects you study function...

that is the ideal manner of studying...

i wanna know each subject thoroughly...i wanna be able 2 write d exam in a manner that will make my neighbours in d exam hall go green in d face...i wanna ace it all...i wanna get a gr8 work profile...i wanna get dat MBA in dat perfect university that i keep thinking about...i wanna buy dat SLR camera dat i keep checking on d net, with my own money...i wanna buy dat city car that i have dreamt of forever..d mini cooper...i wanna buy dat ipod i dreamt of....

dreams....how they elude us.....as they keep growing...or changing form...as soon as we think we have got all we ever dreamt of, pop! comes out another craving...another temptation...and another milestone waiting to be achieved...

ah! but wat's lyf without em, eh? :D

NjoY LyF!

why do i blog?

well, for reasons best known to no one....i blog.

i used 2 think i liked to write...then i used 2 think i need an audience for my writings...then it came down to one simple conclusion - i need to blog.

hadnt come 2 realise this until recently...when my comp was taken away 4m me due to some technical problems...and i started becoming very fiddly....and impatient...i found that i need to type out on d blog...makes me feel good....and gives me satisfaction of having told someone wat is going on in my head....

although i have my own doubts as to how many ppl read it...stil...tiz like my online journal of feelings...

and in d process, i lay open many things about me....unknowingly...unwittingly...and unnecessarily...

which brings me 2 another discussion...why do i give unnecessary advice? i dont know...i really dont know...
but maybe i found the answer wile talkin to my mom...she does d same thing...keeps telling me bout stuf related to me, though she may not know the first thing bout it...and i guess i am jus carrying forward d legacy... :P

but well, jokes apart...one thing is for sure...i find happiness in my blog....

so, keep on writing......who's gonna stop you! ;)

NjoY LyF! :D

"beech ke din"

ok...sorta inspired 4m a friend's post bout 4 days...stil...

wat goes through ur mind, in the period when u have failed an exam and are preparing to give it again...is a turmoil..!

okay..so here's d deal..coming from experience earned, d hard way...so u work hard....but also want to freak out a bit, during the first attempt...so you take it a bit easy (which turns out to be a WRONG decision)..and freak out even during the papers themselves...as you have, for each day for a month or so before the exam....and two months before it...

then you fail....surprise? NAAH. you deserved to...you did not study enough. period.

okay. then what? start studying for the next attempt..
here's d catch...you've read everything before..and revised it...so at least two readings and one run-through of d syllabus is done...minimum...
and now, you have to read it one more time...ah! how interesting... :P


so you sit to study....and alongwith it comes d boredom...d irritation...and d constant badgering of ur failure by ur parents...tiz like giving them a license to kill, wit a vengeance!

to add to all of this, there's nothing good happening in ur life...
u r isolated...kept away from any kinda social bonding...and from freakin out even a little bit...thankfully, if u r able 2 convince urself, dat some recreation is okay, u feel good bout it...but stil...it hurts...


and d worst thing is, you got nothing to show for ur efforts...how do you show dat you have strived hard in this situation? how do you prove, that you really are capable? no ways...zilch. jus keep on struggling til you get it right. bloody keep on reading , and solving god damned problems. and have nothing to show for it, but ur parents "satisfaction" on seeing you slog.

and moreso, when people you know are already earning big bucks...i mean...why d fuck m i stuck in this stupid profession....cuda done BCom, and gone in for d rat race....got an MBA...and wuda bin earning them huge bucks right now...why all this trouble?!!!

interesting question...cuz my dad's a chartered. he wanted me to become one...and so did my mom....you should see d glitter in their eyes when they are dreaming of me becoming a chartered man....over hyped i tell you....damn bloody HYPER-HYPED. :-|

jus ask them to take a look around, and they wil see ppl struggling even after becoming qualified...and having to really slog it out...

but there are the success stories too...and those are really remarkable ones...and i guess the people are also that strong and powerful personas...for them to achieve that level of growth...and getting that position... :)

so, the impending question is...do i have it...? and i am waiting to answer that question for such a long time now, that it's simply not funny. i want to just stop giving exams, and start giving interviews...god damn it...bring on those difficult PI's...and take my test...i am bloody dying to get outa dis rut , and get on wit life...


and all of this confusion is leading to crankiness...idioticity...and simply stupid behaviour!

so, d solution being, to get on wit life....take some free time...freak out - within limits - and then keep trying to learn something new in the subjects than what you already know...

whew!

dat felt good! :D

NjoY LyF bloggers! :D

being who you are...

talking wit a friend...nikki...stumbled upon some self realisations...and realised yet again, dat d realisations are never gonna cease to spring up, while talkin wit puja...d new "important" things...or jus d factors that "matter"...at a given point of time....tends to change wit situations and over time...

like today, wat might mean d world to me, wil mean nothing tmrw...

day after i might find something far more appealing to d mind, dat i had failed even to consider as material...

thankfully, as i spoke wit nikki, i realised dis is not d case wit my relations...not when it comes 2 those close to heart....i don strive for something new in them...rather i build upon them , and try 2 take some thing new in my stride...as in, when i am wit someone...wit dat special one...or jus a special friend...tiz not like tiz something dat was a challenge to be achieved, n once achieved i lose interest in it, n start lookin for something new...it jus means dat i make "her" or d friend a part of my lyf...n want to take em along wit me on dis journey...make them a part of me...make myself a part of their travels...and keep on evolving...

realised some things...realised, dat i have kept my mind closed 2 many emotions and personal traits...wile talkin wit a friend, realised dat i was seein only one aspect of a relationship dat d person shared wit d spouse...cuz it happens, dat d person tends to tell you only d negatives in dat aspect...n takes d positives for granted...dat de exist..

but wat happens wit me, is i focus on d negative aspect, and begin to see dat person only in d light of d facts and circumstances revealed to me...and began thinkin of him as a negative kinda guy...but on a little prodding yesterday, d good side of him was revealed to me...dat he is damn patient...sensitive...caring and understanding....

need to keep an open mind...and not concentrate on wat d person in front says, more than wat cud probably be d actual scenario...try n find all sides of anything....like in many things...cant write it down well...but tiz something like....d person in front says something...and you make a strong impression in ur mind...based on d person's statements...and dat turns out to be otherwise, more often than not...cuz d person in front is jus tryin 2 impress his/her opinion on you...and u end up thinkin it to be d only one...whereas u need 2 actually explore all d posibilities...try to see everything from a neutral perspective...and most of all, believ in d goodness of people....cuz if u cant see dat, u r doomed to see only d negatives around you....and then, god bless... :P

but then, also realised, dat some relations are inexplicable...why we form a good friendship in very short spans of times....Aravind...met him for like, 3-4 times...and feel an inexplicable connection to him....maybe i have this thing bout south indians....jus find em damn endearing...der's also our very own AirWind...but then he's someone anybody wud like to be in the company of.... ;)

tiz funny how males bond...we dont need no emo stuf...don need common ground...we have a very limited threshold for bonding....sports...bikes...cars...and crazy stuff we have done...or claim to have done...(most o em make it up...for lack of "happening" stuf in deir lives, or merely to cope up wit peer pressure)

and dat makes our bond damn strong...we don need no emotional attachment...we are not difficult to understand for each other...we simply exist...and can jus hang around...talkin nothin...n jus be....

like mithila used 2 say...we guys can jus hang around, in a cafe...each lost in his phone or similar gadget...when someone comes, d conversation is like...hey man...whadup...followed by manly displays, like shaking hands so tight, dat i always feel either of us is gonna end up using iodex at night...or jus givin d occasional bear hug...and den, we sit...and jabber away at our gadgets..

which reminds me....saw d new Nokia 5800 express music....damn neat piece man....damn you puja...m jealous u own dat phone...cuz for d first time ever in my lyf, have i liked a nokia phone...n dat too so much..i mean..damn! de've taken out all d fallacies in other similar phones...and tiz available at such a low price tag too!!!

newys, bac 2 d topic...tiz not like we dont talk at all....der wil b d occasional..."didja know, X hooked up wit Y..? damn hot chick dat Y i tell you..." followed by a graphic description of specifics that attracted attention to d aforementioned...and then bac 2 d gadgets....

ah...how i miss doin that....but over time, i realised, dat i couldnt do dat for too long either...i needed 2 have some fodder for d mind...and dat is how i ended up penning..rather keyboarding thoughts, onto my plog...(comp log for the uninitiated..something akin to a web log..only this is on my home machine...)

which turned into this blog over time...

and i keep pondering...and writing...and askin ppl 2 read my blog...half of whom jus gimme>> "damn neat man...u got a good style o writin"

n den silence...no further action on it...

so have decided 2 make d blog a bit more "aesthetic" and akin to ppl's views...

but wil i want to be swarmed wit attention on my blog?

naah...

let's jus let things be as they are...

NjoY LyF bloggers!

cheers! :D

my poems...

talkin wit mom, i jus mentioned dat i write poems...

and she was surprised...at first she thought i was kidding...then she believed...when i showed her a few...d irony being, all were in english, my mom being a hardcore marathi person...had 2 sit explaining all o dem....musta read out like, 3-4....but m sure, seein d glint in her eye, she liked wat she heard....and was happy...even though d poems were far from optmistic...all expressions of negativity, written in my lowest lows...but stil she appreciated them...

and then dad came...and his first question on learning dat i write poems? when did u get d time 2 write?
ha! :P


but i guess that's how some people are...

they are too focussed and set on their goals and aims in life, to even think bout anything else...or see anything...let alone doing something different...my dad is one of them....admitted workaholic...and cant stay at home even on sundays....cuz d office, is his lyf...his "baby" as we call it...and he cant stay away from it for too long...and it is not without awe, dat i look at how much he has earned....from scratch....totally admirable....i guess this very dedication is the reason he is so successfull....and yet, he has much more potential...i jus hope i am able 2 rid him of his minor fallacies, and see him grow even more....achieve his true potential...

newys, back 2 d poems...

so, i jus read a few of my writings...and this came out...


wat is lyf?
is it bout toiling in d harsh sun...
or bout finding in the smallest pleasures, wat's all d fun...?
wil i be working on weekdays, and taking d weekends off..?
or wil i find something to do that i wanna do even on bein d aim of peerly scoff?
wil i become a workaholic like him?
or be a master of my own will....live life on a whim?
wat i do know though...is a simple virtue...
i want to do much more...than a single profession to satisfy me...
i want to explore life's options....
and shed all my inhibitions...

i want to grow like the ashoka tree...
a wisened spirit, burdened wit years of wisdom...yet the conscience so free..

why is change so necessary?
why cant i keep concentrating on one thing at a time?
today i wanna hear d flute...tomorrow a wind chime...

today i wanna be a dj...spin d tracks around...
tomorrow a Chartered...d whole world with whose knowledge revers him..stays dumbfound...
and yet, day after...i wanna own a hotel...make food...have a lively atmosphere....be in d holiday mood, 24/7....have my own small corner...in the eye of the world...cynosure of many....envy of more...and have my own dream....no longer a sophomore....




hehehe...ok...dat was toooooooooooo random a post...

NjoY LyF!

माज्ही गाडी उचलली ... नालायक लोक॥



scene - u get off ur bike, park it on d kerb, and go to buy medicines...u look away 4 two minutes...ur bike disappears, from right under ur arse.



facts - traffic police "agents" have jus attacked u, and wit mind numbing precision and speed, they hav jus targeted ur bike as their fodder for 200 bucks or so...



i mean, god damnit! u don even know when it got lifted...

so i was targeted yesterday...



i am totally used 2 such a scenario...so acted all cool...went 2 d place where d bike is supposed 2 b taken...which is, thankfully, or otherwise, very near my house...and walking distance from where it was lifted...



so, i go there, and ask d gunda in charge, as to when did d van leave 4m d "collection centre"...(आपल्याला गाड़ी collect करायला ...त्यांना currency notes)... yes, gunda. त्यांना uniform etc formalities लागू नसतात ... :P आणि बरेचदा माला खरच doubt येतो..हा पोलिस वाला आहे, का गुंडा राज? ;)



so i get to know, "गाड़ी आत्ताच गेलिये बघ...तास भर तरी लागेल..."

wtf! one hour? काय पूर्ण पुण्यात उचलायला जातात की काय गाड्या?



mercifully, d van showed up 40 minutes later....which were spent by me tryin 2 read mails, and chatting wit ppl....wit d already escalated mobile bill, i thought i might also spend on d good ol' gprs too... ;)



then comes the real skill...u gotta b really deft n intelligent...in my case, i carry a color xerox of my licence, lest d original get torn n mutilated in my wallet...and my PUC has expired 3 yrs back, n i stil carry d same chit around...and d idiots NeVeR notice. (touchwood)

so, here's how it goes.. >>



Me : बोला साहेब...किती देऊ?

collection Gunda : licence आणि PUC दाखवा ..



i give him reqd. docu's..



CG : अरे, "ला यसन" originial नाहीये...

me: original हां आहे मी इथेच राहतो...घेउन येतो...

CG: नको नको...२५० काढ...

me : कशाला साहेब...घेउन येतो मी...

CG : कशाला time खोटी करतोस साला...२५० दे आणि निघ...no parking च fine घेतोए में फक्त...





and dis is how i run away, when d actual fine to be levied on me should ahve bin anything in d vicinity of Rs.800 - 1200...

not dat m complainin...but m jus amused at how d police station has started its own "collection centre"...



i mean, u shud see these guys....now they are all hi-tech....got digi cams 2 prove they hav lifted d bike from a no parkin area only....and de dont fall short of shifting d bike a bit before takin d pic,,,,jus dat little bit beyond d "line" on d road... :P



and u shud jus see d way they start running when de see a wrongly parked bike...tom runnin behind jerry? naah.... coyote behind road runner? nopes...

a tiger / lioness runnin behind its prey....yeah...da's more like it....or maybe like an eagle swooping down on its unsuspecting prey...



i mean, i am nt holdin a grudge against them personally...tiz deir job...and de wanna do it wit full "faith and integrity" both things being directed towards d "बिना receipt k receipts.." ;)

and the shop opens at 6 a.m....yes. 6 a.m...i walk down dat very street to my gym....believ me..
and tiz open till 11 p.m.

this is one "shop" dat none likes 2 go for any reason, m sure..... :P

hope....

watching kung-fu panda...i just realised, dat hope, is wat we live on....wat we yearn for....and wat we cherish...

was seeing it for d n'th time,,,and a friend of mine asked me, why DO you see it so many times? how is it different from other underdog stories....why is it such a huge hit?

my answer - cuz it gives Hope...

everyone of us is a "po" in some way or another...and we all seek to change that by finding our own master and answers to our questions...for each, the master comes in a different form....need not necessarily be the same....

it is nothing, but a totally funny, non-stop entertainment cartoon flick.....but damnit, tiz so damn good! and jus too funny... :D

and most of all, i see myself in it....as i m sure does everyone around me, who has seen it...
i see myself unable to clear an exam...unable 2 get dat promotion...fighting to earn that coveted title...struggle to be the "best" on various fields..at home..wit frenz..wit galz...or jus in LyF...and i find d "fat" in me comes in d way of it....wat i dont see, is that the size of a fighter does not matter...there IS NO secret ingredient, other than my belief in myself...my HoPe....

and hence, i find that there is no taaylung i cannot beat....it's all in my beleif....there is NO wooshi finger hold....only my belief in it....and wit my hope, and belief,i can make miracles happen....and i will....


hence i say to you bloggers, i am not a big fat panda, i am THE BiG FaT PanDa...

NjoY LyF! :D

nostalgia...

reading my older posts, i stumbled upon some fantastic writings by me (at least i think de r fantastic...dunno bout others' opinion. :P )

well, i had forgotten how to write....am feeling so inspired reading my own posts, that i am gonna start getting all philosophical again......

hehe..ok..ok..i wont... :P

but seriously....i havent written as good a post in quite a while...i used 2 get amused at how MD used 2 say, dat my writing inspires her...dint think of it much..jus thought she liked my way of writing...but today i found dat d content was also really interesting...in dis case, i am inspired by my own writing! ok. i am totally wierd. :P

but fact remains...i gotta keep finding d inspiration to write good stuff...made me feel so good, to read all of that...gotta thank you for that, MD... :D

n well, talkin 2 a friend, i realised dat life isnt all bout gettin what u want...or doin wat you want...or even doin n gettin wat ur parents want...tiz all bout finding stuff to do, that you can, and want to do...case being in point, my want to pursue my MBA...tiz not wat i wanna do, but CaN do...in a way...ya know? i CaN afford 2 experiment...i CaN fall back on my dad's ready-made business...i CaN get admission into ISB (not withstanding d work ex part of it)...i CaN afford it....then why not do it? i mean...i like ISB...have bin thinkin bout it....and i think putting it as a long term goal wont b a huge mistake...cuz i wil start working in a "bigger firm"...to get d requisite work-ex...so considering that i dont at all get into ISB...i will still have earned quite a lotta experience...and become "wiser"... :P (dat's seriously debatable....all o my frenz, mom n dad wil agree)

and all o dis if d result comes positive.....prayin 4 dat............

NjoY LyF! :D

finally got some gadgets on d blog!

inspiration being seeing a freind's blog, wit visitor data displayed... ;)

thanx man DI :)

now i also put in a gadget 2 display d NASA image of the day, and NatGeo image of d day....aint de amazin? :D

gonna spruce up d gud ol' blog.. :D

NjoY LyF bloggers! :D

so, today is a mixed feelings day...rather it was yesterday...but d carry forward of feelings is der.. ;) (i know..i know...too much accounts...c/f nahi lihila nasheeb!..feelings c/f etc.. :P )

so, first i get to learn, dat articleships dont count as work exp. in B schools...so i get damn depressed..think dat m doomed for lyf....nothing can be right anymore....i wont ever prosper in lyf...i wil be stuck in dis place forever..etc..etc..but thankfully, dat thought lasted jus for some time...then, as usual, d over-optimistic me took over...worst case scenario analysis happened, n i felt better.. :D

so, d change of plans wil be, get a job, work for a while, and then try n get into ISB....also keep backup plans ready, as ISB seems to b a tough nut 2 crack... ;)

n d good part....dat was too overwhelming... :D rather, good partS.. ;)

two things..

1. a very "dear" friend came over 2 my place...had dinner with us....and i couldnt help but dream...smile to myself...n feel calm n satisfied....so calm actually, dat i don even remember when i fell asleep...cuz i knew...dis is wat i m gonna see....some yrs down d line...when all d confusion will have cleared...when all issues will have sorted themselves out...when all d "obstacles" to seeing that picture wil have cleared...ah...i dream on... :D

2. FINALLY got my LCD.. :D SONY v series, 32 inch LCD.. :D man, it ROCKS! :D

n also finally got tata sky....d reception is too good...picture..sound quality...everything...

m sure i wil go home n sit for hours, trying to figure out all its menus etc.. :D

and then, i make some mistakes..dude, why don i understand, wat i say, might hurt others....jus don get it....m a bilaadee phool.. :P will try n b more carefull...

ya kno wat i think my problem is? i have bin thinking...n i might be wrong...but i always try to b all tyaagi n daanshur etc...when i am not all dat "all-encompassing" and understanding..and mature...agreed, i am a little bit good...but God? i simply am not! ;) n when it crosses my limits, i give out more anger n hurt, than all d love i gave...

should stop either of the two...cuz then nothing's established, and i bring things back 2 "jaise the" by my actions...

but i am damn happy on d t.v man! m so happy! :D

NjoY LyF bloggers! :D