i recently did an "Art of Living" course..after my parents did it and suggested me to do it too..
now, before you go all ballistic on me, and criticize me for being a herd-sheep, let me tell you, it was a very VERY nice experience...
it taught me some really nice things, and made me aware of myself...
and we were lucky to have attended the course conducted by a very able teacher, Mr.Hassan Tafti.
he is beyond doubt, a marvelous presenter and speaker...
and yesterday, a friend of mine came to me asking for advice on how to handle her inner self, and get this "chaos" sorted that resides in her...
so, SK came to me, and it came naturally to me, to tell her what to do, and how to do it...
for starters, the first step to changing yourself, is accepting that you need to change...accepting your own flaws, and identifying them...having a clear picture of what all it is, about yourself, that you feel needs to go...
for starters, the basic things taught in the AOL course, were -
1.accept people as they are.
2.Stop expecting.
3.Stop comparing.
now, accepting people might seem like an easy enough thing to do...but believe me, it is NOT.
and why isn't it easy?
one word - ego.
our ego comes in the way of our interactions, with people around us. our ego stops us from accepting people for what they are, as they are, unconditionally.
you try to change people. you try to make them think the way you do. you try to make them see your point of view...at times obsessively so....
but once you start accepting, then there is little scope for friction...there is very less about others that can affect you. there is little that can make you sad..or happy...
now you will think, why shouldn't i get happy if others make me so?
simple...because you become dependent on others' appreciation/approval....you become a "football" of people's opinions...and i don't think i need to elaborate why that is not recommended if you want your inner happiness and calm...
the second bit...
stop expecting.
the only person that you can expect from, is yourself. not your friends, not your peers, not even your family.
how this helps - you get one bit closer to not being a football...
it might seem odd, that you're becoming a football due to expectations, but give it a thought for a minute...
what happens when you expect?
either your expectations are met, or they aren't.
in the first scenario, you are happy because expectations were met, and indirectly, your happiness is with someone else...
in the second, it's pretty simple to see....your sadness lies in someone else's failure....
and isn't that stupid? like...if your son fails in an exam, you get sad...on some level, it might be acceptable to you to let this affect you...but isn't it wrong to let his sadness affect you? are you helping him in some way by doing that? is he going to suddenly clear the exam because you are sad? i think we know that answer. :)
thirdly, stop comparing.
let's begin with the definition of comparison, per se...
comparison is your ego trying to make someone/something look good, or bad....in other words, someone/something is either superior or inferior...
how does this affect you?
for starters, you compare everything/everyone with yourself...or your possessions...which should be immaterial to you...but you let it become a factor affecting you...
so how do we stop comparing?
simple - repeat the first step. acceptance. :)
if you accept people/things for what they are, as they are, the question of comparison doesn't arise in the first place!
your ego won't even know what hit it, and will be immaterial again! :)
now, don't get me wrong on the ego bit....ego, on the level of self-awareness, is a good thing. only when you let ego compare, does it become a problem...
these points sort of summarize the whole course...but summaries are not always good....i would suggest all of you to attend the course....experience it for yourself...and don't forget to thank me later... ;)
on another related point, i realised when SK asked me for advice, that one listens to advice only when one actively seeks it himself/herself....she said after our conversation, that her mom has been telling her the same things since a long time...but she never listened to it...or maybe she just couldn't accept those things...
i didn't say anything very different from what her mom used to say...or didn't give any "jaga-vegla gyaan", as we would say in marathi...
the only difference was, that she sought answers, when she spoke to me, and i happened to have the right ones....
try and seek answers....then you will crave problems, in order to test your ability to solve them... ;)
also, when faced with a problem, don't ask "why"...why me....why now....why not someone else...........but ask..."what can i do now"....
give this last one some thought....and let me know how you feel... :)
now, before you go all ballistic on me, and criticize me for being a herd-sheep, let me tell you, it was a very VERY nice experience...
it taught me some really nice things, and made me aware of myself...
and we were lucky to have attended the course conducted by a very able teacher, Mr.Hassan Tafti.
he is beyond doubt, a marvelous presenter and speaker...
and yesterday, a friend of mine came to me asking for advice on how to handle her inner self, and get this "chaos" sorted that resides in her...
so, SK came to me, and it came naturally to me, to tell her what to do, and how to do it...
for starters, the first step to changing yourself, is accepting that you need to change...accepting your own flaws, and identifying them...having a clear picture of what all it is, about yourself, that you feel needs to go...
for starters, the basic things taught in the AOL course, were -
1.accept people as they are.
2.Stop expecting.
3.Stop comparing.
now, accepting people might seem like an easy enough thing to do...but believe me, it is NOT.
and why isn't it easy?
one word - ego.
our ego comes in the way of our interactions, with people around us. our ego stops us from accepting people for what they are, as they are, unconditionally.
you try to change people. you try to make them think the way you do. you try to make them see your point of view...at times obsessively so....
but once you start accepting, then there is little scope for friction...there is very less about others that can affect you. there is little that can make you sad..or happy...
now you will think, why shouldn't i get happy if others make me so?
simple...because you become dependent on others' appreciation/approval....you become a "football" of people's opinions...and i don't think i need to elaborate why that is not recommended if you want your inner happiness and calm...
the second bit...
stop expecting.
the only person that you can expect from, is yourself. not your friends, not your peers, not even your family.
how this helps - you get one bit closer to not being a football...
it might seem odd, that you're becoming a football due to expectations, but give it a thought for a minute...
what happens when you expect?
either your expectations are met, or they aren't.
in the first scenario, you are happy because expectations were met, and indirectly, your happiness is with someone else...
in the second, it's pretty simple to see....your sadness lies in someone else's failure....
and isn't that stupid? like...if your son fails in an exam, you get sad...on some level, it might be acceptable to you to let this affect you...but isn't it wrong to let his sadness affect you? are you helping him in some way by doing that? is he going to suddenly clear the exam because you are sad? i think we know that answer. :)
thirdly, stop comparing.
let's begin with the definition of comparison, per se...
comparison is your ego trying to make someone/something look good, or bad....in other words, someone/something is either superior or inferior...
how does this affect you?
for starters, you compare everything/everyone with yourself...or your possessions...which should be immaterial to you...but you let it become a factor affecting you...
so how do we stop comparing?
simple - repeat the first step. acceptance. :)
if you accept people/things for what they are, as they are, the question of comparison doesn't arise in the first place!
your ego won't even know what hit it, and will be immaterial again! :)
now, don't get me wrong on the ego bit....ego, on the level of self-awareness, is a good thing. only when you let ego compare, does it become a problem...
these points sort of summarize the whole course...but summaries are not always good....i would suggest all of you to attend the course....experience it for yourself...and don't forget to thank me later... ;)
on another related point, i realised when SK asked me for advice, that one listens to advice only when one actively seeks it himself/herself....she said after our conversation, that her mom has been telling her the same things since a long time...but she never listened to it...or maybe she just couldn't accept those things...
i didn't say anything very different from what her mom used to say...or didn't give any "jaga-vegla gyaan", as we would say in marathi...
the only difference was, that she sought answers, when she spoke to me, and i happened to have the right ones....
try and seek answers....then you will crave problems, in order to test your ability to solve them... ;)
also, when faced with a problem, don't ask "why"...why me....why now....why not someone else...........but ask..."what can i do now"....
give this last one some thought....and let me know how you feel... :)
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